You deserve the best, and the best I can offer you today is Junior E. Lee.
As longtime readers know, and those who are recent to this column will soon learn, Junior is one of a kind. Not only is he general manager of the Yarbrough Worldwide Media and Pest Control Company, located in Greater Garfield, Georgia, but he also is the man behind the renowned Round or Square Polls, with the motto: “We will cook the results, if you will provide enough dough.”
Oh, and did I mention that Junior E. Lee is also a pest control professional and highly respected in media circles for his insightful analysis of current global macroeconomics but also a pest control professional?
Try asking Tucker Carlson or Rachel Maddow if they know the difference between a Popillia japonica and an Ephemeroptera, and watch their smug look disappear from their faces.
Or, ask Otto the Orkin Man what the exchange rate is between the Albanian lek and the Papua New Guinean Kina and see what he says. (In case you’re interested, 1 lek equals 0.043 kinas.)
So, you can see why Junior is such a valuable team member and why I am proud to share his expertise with you at no additional cost.
I found Junior at Arveen Ridley’s place, spraying for cow ticks, or as he refers to them, Rhipicephalus microplus. Ever the professional. He thought you might be interested in knowing he generally uses acaricides on cow ticks, which can be applied in various ways, such as cattle dips or sprays like Bayticol Dip and Spray or by a backline pour-on. (Acatak Duostar Pour-On is his preference.)
I told him I was sure you would want to know more about this fascinating subject, but perhaps at a later time. Right now, I thought a discussion of current events was in order.
For example, if Vladimir Putin gets tired of Ukraine continuing to kick him, might he decide to nuke the whole world just for spite? That would certainly put the issue of cow tick treatments on the back burner.
Junior said that was unlikely. He reminded me that Donald Trump said he would end the war on his first day in office after he had pardoned the U.S. Capitol rioters, annexed Canada, taken back the Panama Canal, put Liz Cheney in his time-out chair, and paid the $2 million he owed Giuliani from the 2020 presidential campaign so the poor guy could get back his 1980 Mercedes-Benz SL 500, previously owned by Lauren Bacall, and a fresh supply of hair dye.
I told Junior that was a bit too much for us to digest. Could we discuss what might occur in Georgia in the coming year instead? He said he was working on finalizing the latest polling data just as soon as he sprayed Lester Groover’s backyard to get rid of thrips.
He said that while some people prefer to sprinkle diatomaceous earth on plants, he firmly believes that neem oil is more effective in eradicating thrips (order Thysanoptera). I told him I would pass that along, knowing you would be spellbound, but could we please get back to Georgia?
Junior said one crazy rumor circulating among his contacts concerns state Rep. Lynn Smith, chair of the House Natural Resources and Environment Committee.
Smith has bottled up legislation that would address the issue of drag-mining the Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge for toothpaste whitener by refusing to let it come to the House floor for a vote and will not respond to concerned Georgians as to why.
I asked, "What is the rumor?"
Junior said he heard there would be an effort to move her hometown of Newnan to the middle of the Okefenokee swamp and drag-mine the town square daily.
"That is a crazy rumor," I said, but I like it. So will readers who have contacted her to no avail.
Junior said he wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year and hated running, but he was headed to Aunt Flossie Felmer’s house to poke around in her drawers, looking for fire ants (or so he claimed).
Frankly, I think Junior spends too much poking around in Aunt Flossie’s drawers, but I don’t say anything. Finding a preeminent media analyst who is also a pest control professional is complex; I think you will agree. Junior E. Lee is one of a kind.
You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.